I had a dream last night that I dropped out of college because of a misunderstanding. The whole thing got so complicated that dream-me threw up her hands and decided it wasn't worth it, and left. But first I had to go through this entire meeting thing, where my cat was in attendance.
I'm pretty sure my subconscious is manifesting all the doubts I have about myself lately, mostly the "am I really good enough to get a job" ones and the "you are a lazy piece of crap" ones. It's hard for me to get past the latter feeling when I'm not even really keeping the house clean, and not really doing much in the way of house projects while I am at home. Just sitting around. I'm not even volunteering anywhere, which is what I said I would do if I ever found myself without work. I'm not sure what's holding me back, but I'm pretty sure it's related to those insecurities I mentioned above.
I had a conversation with my therapist about these insecurities the last time I saw her, and as usual, she quickly unearthed the reason. I wasn't surprised, but I hadn't thought about it that way. Getting over the way I grew up is really going to be difficult, but I'm working on it. Hopefully this blog will be a good outlet for the crazy, insecure thoughts I have all the damn time.
I still don't get why my cat was in the dream though.
